This week Christy talks with Joette Doyle, a family member of a first responder that served for 36 years in the Fire Department. While serving, he lost his sister, mother, and brother to illness and his daughter to suicide.
Silence Speaks
Joette had known her boyfriend for over 20 years. Although being together for 13 years, she has watched the change in communication and inability to process and ask for help for himself. How do you get through to someone who doesn’t talk about anything? The Guilt of feeling like you are not being able to help those you love while your job is to go and help the community can weigh you down.
Taking the Cape Off
Joette had the opportunity to read a book by Patrick Kenny, a former fireman, called Taking the Cape Off. In the book, Patrick has an open dialogue about what struggles he went through with his family while on the job. Doyle comments everyone looks at first responders as if they are superheroes; even superheroes need to cape off at the end of the day. We are all only human, and your family remains the constant in your life. Don’t they deserve to understand how to help you?
Family Tools
Family, like the first responder, cannot read minds; they can, however, feel the silence and distance that occurs over time. Having the tools/words to help the first responder to open up and for both sides of the family connection to know that what is occurring is not because of the family and silence is what was taught as not to appear weak or struggling. This, however, is a learned behavior that can change.
- Have a friend or person you can talk to; to help you process
- Be prepared to say, hey, I had a bad day, and then reconvene the conversation or sit together in silence as you process.
- Your family understands more than you want to believe.
- Have a hobby